I’m a queer woman and my partner is non-binary. Is tantra for us?

Absolutely! Though I am sorry to say that in all my years of research I haven’t found any resources that don’t rely on referencing masculine and feminine energies. For some people, masculine and feminine energies can easily be separated from gender and they may even find themselves in a relationship where one partner assumes a masculine driving force and the other a feminine receiving force. They may also switch, playing different roles for different practice sessions or at different intervals in one practice sitting. I have attended several workshops where we decided the gender we wished to identify with for the purpose of the exercise. The polarity is an essential component in making the energy exchanges work, it would seem.

However despite the prevalence of gendered language it is not necessary to describe the polarity. When I work with clients who do not identify as one gender or both genders but are instead genderless and passionate about dismantling this kind gendered language there are still many polarities that work just as well. Giving and receiving, logic and creativity, left side and right side, fire and water, sun and moon…

What if polarity in general doesn’t resonate? If in your intimate relationships, the harmony and absence of binaries is something you treasure. Can enough transformational energy be generated without contrast? I believed so. At it’s heart tantra is about becoming one with your partner(s) and the universe. So by not subscribing to separation, you are ahead of the game.

I know if can be really alienating to delve into resources that seem so gendered and I wish I had some recommendations. One day I would love to make time to create a library of accessible resources, as the power of this wisdom should be available to everyone. For now all I can offer is one-to-one sessions and my promise to you that any sex magic work we do together will be communicated in an inclusive way. Tantric, taoist or any other sexually elevating practice you are drawn to, is for you if you want it to be. Once you move from researching through reading or watching to sensory experiencing, it’s becomes a lot more accessible.

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